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August 2009

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black and blue

We all deal with it in different ways - some excersize in obsessive amounts; some eat too much; some dont eat enough; some study harder, or dont study at all; some change their image, their lifestyle, their scenery; some go shopping for retail therapy; some soak themselves in a good book; yet you never quiite get used to rejection.
The only problem is that this time i actually thought i stood a chance, it was pretty stupid of me.
It was stupid of my friends to rally me on- oh well, now they have to put up with me being a sourpuss for the next few days.
I just wish there was someone out there for me. I'm only 15 and i carry worries that atleast a 30 year old has.

We live in a world of love triangles. And they are all fucked up - nothing different with mine.
She likes him, he doesnt like her, his best friend likes her, she doesnt like him. It's fucked

I just watched angus thongs and perfect snogging. Who knew you could cry at a happy ending?
Made me think.. what are 5 good things about my life? What are 5 bad things?
Five good things...
-I have a nice family
-I have nice friends
-I go to a good school
-I have a job
-I have a well trained dog... ?

Five bad things...
-I havent ever been in a good relationship
-I dont have a best friend; the only one i have is unreliable and I sometimes wonder if she even likes me
-Im not a big fan of my boss, or my job, I dont like having to go in to work
-I have the WORST body;Im short, pudgyish and kinda pale
-I have no brothers and sisters - i have no close by friends, if im not working or at school then i mostly stay at home
-I just got rejected by the guy i like
-I keep getting shit loads of homework and I never have any 'me' time
-The only thing that makes me different to the next minga is that I have a few piercings here and there
-My only family in my city is my mum and dad
-I love england and my family and friends there, I constantly miss them - its not fun
-I dont have nice clothes, i dont like my clothes

oh whoops. Thats a tad more that 5 oh well - you can see how i feel at the moment!

In summary
The worlds an odd place. nothing is perfect, no one is perfect. you cant always get what you want. honesty is always the best thing and SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED A GOD OL CRY!


Shelley, it makes me so sad to read this. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know how to reach me.

When I was 15 I'd never been in a relationship, I lost contact with my best friend, I didn't have a job, I was teased a lot at school about getting good grades and being too skinny (so much so that I'd lock myself in the toilets during recess and lunch so that I'd be left alone), and I never went out. But by the middle of year 10 I realised that I was the one in control of my happiness. I didn't do things to try to stand out or impress people, I just did what made me happy. Ten years later, I'm still doing the same thing. Some of my housemates laugh at me when I tell them I don't drink alcohol, don't want to hang out in bars, am vegetarian, don't want to go out and spend all my money... But seriously, I couldn't be happier.

Seriously, if you ever need anything, let me know. I'm here for you :)

(Oh, and depending where I'm living by then, and you have some free time, I'd love to have you over to visit me in Melbourne during the summer holidays, or even end of term 3. I'd happily drag you around to dance classes and other random stuff.)
:) I would love to come visit you! I cant go these holidays because im going to kangaroo island but i would love to go after term three :DDD
and i would call you right now but i lost my voice at a gig last night.. and it doesnt help that i have a cold :P
Thankyou so much, i was feeling really sad then.. and coz it was late at night everything in the world felt worse so yeah, thankyou :)
Your living in melbourne at the moment arent you? If you're ever coming down to adelaide in the next few months ring me, text me, or message me or SOMETHING :D coz i still feel really bad for not being able to go to the market with you! or going to your farewell bbq :(
Lots of love :)